Happy Birthday Mr. Vice-President

Happy Birthday Dick Cheney!!!


It is times like this that make me reflect on why Dick Cheney is the greatest human being ever to live.

It is because all of these are true:

All tsunamis can be linked to Dick Cheney eating Indian food.

His favorite color is Fear.

The Chinese calendar includes a "Year of the Dick Cheney." Its symbol is Dick Cheney eating the last known Dodo bird.

He has three testicles and they are all registered to vote.

Dick Cheney's favorite childhood toy was the skull of Che Gueverra

While in Africa he ate an entire herd of elephants then gave everyone in the Congo AIDS.

His elementary school talent show act involved him waterboarding a Kindergartener. He got first place and the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

He invented the telegram and used it to send threatening messages to President Lincoln.

He once shanked the Prime minister of Ireland.

He can eat coal and crap Neil Diamond.

All Roadrunner cartoons are loosely based on his experiences as a child star.

Now they will come for the tortillas

Growing bored with starving our own poor, American energy policy is now attempting to starve the poor unwashed of Mexico...unless they are in the U.S. where they will get enough food stamps to buy all the tortillas they need.

Soon this shortage will spread to the US. We will run out of burritos, scoops, and Fritos.

People at Super Bowl parties will be forced to use their hands to enjoy salsa and bean dip.

Here is Charles Krauthammer's latest about the stupidity of ethanol.

Perfect Americans vs. Mindless barbarians

VDH has another great column

He makes a good point about how the rest of the world seems to suffer from a sort of schizophrenia.

We hear it all the time: The rich US should get involved/the imperialistic US should stay out of everyone else's business.

There really is not a principled opposition to the US out there.

The liberals are right about one thing, we are hated for what we have done in the past. We are hated by the socialists because it is the rich, free, capitalistic America that felled their Russian experiment and calls into question their surety in the class war and the triumph of the proletariat. The Islamists hate us because we stand athwart the road of the future, barring the victory of Muhammad and declaring that the people of the planet deserve the right to choose their own destiny.

Our very existence mocks them. Here in the US the workers care not for class struggle or for socialism. American workers would rather have a red sports car than a red scarf tied around their neck.

Our large open society demands that one treat others the same, while the Islamist want to enslave others to their will and to their primitive religion.

Yet, I fear that the barbarians are winning. We are no longer sure of ourselves. We demand perfection of ourselves and our government, while our media and elites gloss over the savage behavior of our enemies.

Cruel mass murders are called "agrarian reformers" and grace the glossy covers of Time magazine while Americans who pray on their knees every night and love their neighbors are called a threat.

Islamists who behead reporters, suicide bomb, and bully the West are called "freedom fighters" and are treated as equals.

The world is a sad place. We are truly in an age where good is called evil and evil is called good.

Live, Laugh, Love

Folks, sometimes you just need to laugh.

Therefore, I present you with hornymanatee.com

NY Times mourns their favorite Dictator

The NY Times is falling all over itself in this love letter to Saddam.

This article is replete with the absurd.

Number one: Who cares that Saddam grew up "lonely and impoverished"? It is irrelevant. Does that excuse the hundreds of thousands he killed? Does it make him less culpable for the deaths of men, women, and children?

Many people grow up miserable and poor and never harm anyone.

The Times was apparently appalled by the executions "unruly, mocking atmosphere ." Why does this matter at all? The seem to think that Saddam deserved to die with more dignity. Saddam received more dignity and due process than all the people in the mass graves he filled.


Here is my favorite part of the entire article:

"The leader of Mr. Hussein's Albu-Nasir tribe, Sheik Ali al-Nida, said that before flying to Baghdad on an American helicopter, he had been so fearful for his safety that he had written a will. Bizarrely, Sheik Nida and others were shown on Iraqi television collecting the coffin from the courtyard in front of Mr. Maliki's office, where it sat unceremoniously in a police pickup."

Good. It is fitting that the Butcher of Baghdad went out in this manner. He died with a whimper and not a bang, hung as the criminal he was.

His death should be unmourned. I am upset that he is even being buried. They should have loaded the body into a Blackhawk, flown it into the deep desert, and dumped it, to be covered by the sands of time.

The world is a better place for his passing. His legacy will be shame, defeat, and eternal damnation.

The NY Times should be ashamed of itself.

Muslims act like barbarians...again.

Buddhist Thais are fleeing from attacks by Muslims in southern Thailand.

The Muslim insurgents mainly are targeting Buddhist teachers and monks in an effort to intimidate Buddhist Thais into fleeing from the region.

I'm sure none of you are surprised. This situation further exposes that the heart of our struggle is a fight against global jihad. I guarantee that these animals are receiving monetary support from the Middle East oil dictators and from western Muslims who see this as a prelude to Muslim gains in Europe and the Americas.

The Muslims in Thailand want a pure Islamic state. They do not want a place were their people can be free. They want a region where they can enforce their thuggish view of their religion on anyone who does not agree with them. They essentially seek to create a Tehran with spicier food.

Surprisingly, 25 teachers have been beheaded. Wonder where they learned that?

This situation draws parallels in my mind to that in France. Both have a Muslim population in the southern part of the nation that is agitating for Sharia and their own Islamic state.

We have already seen intimidation tactics in France, where Jews are beaten and temples torched. Soon they will turn more heavily on the few Frenchmen who have not surrendered their souls to the relativism and hedonism of modernity.

I'm surprised that this has not made international headlines. Hell, Buddhists are being attacked. Where is Richard Gere? I thought that the Hollywood people would come out to defend their second favorite religion, after Islam that is.

The global jihad marches on. I am sure soon their will be a peace deal in Thailand, brokered by Jimmy Carter, in which the Thais give the Muslims everything they want and apologize for their existence. This is the same sort of deal Carter is demanding that the Jews give the Palestinians. This will lead to a rump caliphate that will spread Islamic terror throughout the rest of south and southeast Asia.

2007, the year that will be

It is that time of year again folks. It is time for your humble Wordbearer to make his predictions for the new year. Since, with skills rivaling that of Miss Cleo, I was 100% accurate on my predictions for 2006, I will prognosticate for 2007.

In the year 2007...

Dimocrats will reach out to the Muslim world by declaring Idaho a caliphate and beheading Barney Frank on CNN. The production will earn an Emmy.

A massive gay underground will be exposed in the NFL. This will forever make the term "running the option" an occasion for ribald laughter.

Martians will continue their domiance of Mars unchallenged.

Al Gore will fall into a coma after a joke at the dentist involving an "inconvenient tooth."

In order to bring the point home to the American public, global warming will be rechristened "Sweaty Maker."

China will bow to international pressure and finally admit that Duck Sauce really is mostly turtle.

The tears of Gypsies will be found to be a powerful aphrodisiac. Consequently, Cher will be beaten to death.

Heterosexual pride will be on display that the 145th annual "Homo Beating Parade" in Atlanta Georgia.

Saying the word "Jumanji" will not only be a way to reference a delightful children's movie, but also a convenient way of expressing your hatred of the Jews.

Let's promote a dialogue

By crucifying Santa.

This guy is very very sick. Listen I understand that people dislike the consumerism surrounding Christmas. Personally I try to keep it all in perspective.

This is the wrong way to make a point. All this does is show that this guy is a jerk that misunderstands the magic that is Christmas. Children are the true lovers of Christmas. Their souls are still pure enough to see that there really are magical things that can touch the places in our hearts that we adults have forgotten.

I love the guys justification: "I was just trying to start a dialogue."

That is the most hollow excuse I have ever heard. It is the refrain of the man who has been beaten.

A similar phrase is "Well I have the right to think what I want." Normally this is said by someone who has tried to defend an untenable position and lost.

And an honest man was laid low.

John Bolton, probably this nation's greatest UN Rep, will resign.

John Bolton is an honest man. John Bolton is a decent man. John Bolton is the only one with those traits in the UN.

The Dims have gotten what they wanted. Now the US will take the route they want: appeasing totalitarian thugs and pretending that the barbarians can be turned away with pretty trinkets.

We are Rome and the barbarians are at the gates. Thanks to the Dims one of our best men has been sacrificed on the altar of political correctness and weakness.

May God have mercy on our souls and may our posterity know of the whispered land where men once were free.

Weapons that don't exist, but should

I present my Christmas list.

Other weapons that do not exist but should:

1. Chainsaw Toilet Paper - Just when you think it is safe to use the bathroom...

2. Wedding cake with a midget Ninja inside - just the way to whack a mafia Don on the day of his daughters wedding.

3. The World's Smallest Fiddle filled with the World's Smallest A-Bomb - Where is your sympathy now?

4. A Giant Projector that Projects Naked Pictures of Teddy Kennedy onto the Moon - Suicide inducing

5. The Shatner-Launcher - I...just...can't...contain...it

6. The Electric Burrito - A little death from South of the Border

7. Sushi laced with Polonium - Wait someone has already invented that.

They took something so innocent and made it dirty

Peace activists (a.k.a. pussies and cowards mostly) are promoting a "Global Orgasm for Peace Day"

Why do people on the Left think that they will achieve something with the meaningless gesture?

These people have a deep misunderstanding of the world. This situation relates to the "Make Love Not War" chants of the 60's and the sexual excess of the 70's.

These sorts of people believe that the problems of the world can be linked to people not having enough orgasms. The truth is that we are having to many. Listen people, sex is a great and enjoyable thing, but it is NOT the defining thing about man.

Always remember the intellectual is the person who has found something more interesting than sex.

I love this line from the article: (Concerning why the orgasm will succeed where soft power and appeasement have failed) "Your mind is like a blank. It's like a meditative state. And mass meditations have been shown to make a change."

My response: Where? Point to the mass mediations that have made any measurable change.

Folks there are none. These people need pick up a calendar and realize that it is no longer 1968.

The activists behind this gained notoriety earlier for getting 50 naked women to spell the word "peace". The article makes it seem like this was some sort of world changing event, but we all know better.

What possible good can come from getting 50 lesbian Marxists to cast aside their flannel and combat boots to spell peace? I could get 50 drunken frat boys to get naked and spell any damn thing I wanted. Does that mean I have changed the world or done anything besides offending good taste?

People like this are the reason we are losing the war against Islamic barbarians. They can only see their idealized vision of the world, ignoring the harsh realities.

Our great Republic is gone, all we have left are ejaculating hippies.

John Wayne is rolling in his grave.

How you going keep em down on the farm, once they have seen Tehran?

Well the Dims are going to pull the US out of Iraq.

This is expressly against the wishes of the independent voters who put them in office by razor thin numbers over a week ago.

Charles Krauthammer has a great post election wrap up.

This last election the American people asked for a new course in Iraq. The Dims want to sink the ship.

Their plan seems to be this:
1. Turn the courty over to the Iraqis, i.e. cut
and
2. "redeploy"...also known as run.

This plan should look familiar. Back in the 70's we called it Vietnamization.

Soon after we pull out the Dim Congress will pass something like the Foreign Assistance Act of 1974, which banned the US from helping the South Vietnamese defend themselves and voided our rights to assist them under the Paris Peace Accords.

The Dimocrat plan will end in the same mesh or refugees, oppression, and will embolden our enemies just as our pull out in Vietnam did.

Every American life you save by pulling out now means that you will kill 20 in the future.

Side note:

Iran is moving to distance itself from the dollar.

Cheney...We are at your mercy

Dick Cheney: man, myth, future tyrant of man.

Why do we fear him?

Because the following are true...

He once released a book on the subject of potty training. It came with an "encourament tazer."

The song "Unchained Melody" was originally called "UnCheney Melody." It was changed because people were disturbed by sound of women weeping and children being immolated.

He once stabbed a man for using the wrong fork at dinner.

His thoughts on the proper application of the death penalty were made into the movie "Flash Dance."

John Denver wrote "Rocky Mountain High" after watching Dick Cheney ingest thirty tons of opium.

Dick Cheney is in the bushes outside your house right now.

In first grade he was suspended for waterboarding his teacher. He received the Pulitzer Prize for the photos.

Every Thanksgiving he deep fries a California Condor...then just throws it out.

The entire plot for the Harry Potter series is based off of the orgasmic screams of Dick Cheney.

Dick Cheney is responsible for the fall of the Roman Empire, British Empire, and the stock market in 1929.

The Exxon Valdez did not run aground. It was dynamited by Cheney to settle his score with the Eskimos.

Every movie ever made by Stanley Kubrick was inspired by conversations with Cheney in the showers at a NY Bally's Total Fitness.

With "America can do better" failing to attract voters; Dims new slogan is "Look at all the fags"

IowaHawk is on to them

Hat Tip: Ann Coulter

How come Dims always substitute sex for real political debate? Why do they always attack their opponents in the most base and sexual manner?

They viscously degrade conservative women and harass gay Republicans with constant threats to "out" them. What happened to the party of privacy rights? Why can they not allow gay Republicans their right to keep their private life just that, private?

The point is that they want to make an example of these two groups because they consider them "off the reservation." How dare gays and women not bow to their wisdom? It is cheap intimidation equivalent to a mafia shakedown.

The libs have become the new imperialists. Their subjects are all the people they believe they have to defend against the evil conservatives with their strange notions about truth and the good.

'Baten for Freedom

Iran's Supreme Mullah Khameini has ruled that "deliberate masturbation during the month of Ramadan renders a fast invalid."


I guess now anyone who decides to scrub scooby or hold the sausage hostage during Ramadan is going to be killed because they offended Muslims.

I can't see what the this guy has against flogging the dolphin, cuffing the carrot, or clearing the snorkel.

I recommend that we all thumb our noses at Iran by going on a date with Pamela Handerson.

I call on all flag waving Americans to take a few minutes out of their day to rough up the suspect, or engage in a little hand-to-gland combat.

A question arises out of this article: What the hell is the difference between deliberate masturbation and accidental?

I did not know you could do it accidentally. I seriously doubt it is possible. Trust me if it was possible I would have found it by now.

Nobles, Knaves, and those in between

The Washington Times Nobles and Knaves column is something everyone of you should be reading by now.

This week they hail Sheriff Fred Wegener for his guts in ordering a SWAT raid during the standoff at Platte County High School. I think he made the right decision considering the guy inside was a murderous pedophile.

They also castigate the liberal bloggers who are using lies and doctored photos to besmirch Michelle Malkin.

Little question: Why do liberals always level their attacks against conservative women it the most base and sexual manner?

Are they so out of touch with reality that they can not see that not every woman thinks that the way of life endorsed by Sex and the City is good for the soul?

Now to those of us in between.

Law school is going well for me. I am really interested in criminal law and civil procedure.
I am working hard and my personal life is suffering. Still it is not like there is much there to suffer anyway.

Everyone keeps telling me the same thing: Once you get out of law school the ladies will be all over you.

I find this statement quite disheartening. Implicit in this statement is the fact that a woman is not going to love me for my winning personality or looks, but because there is a chance that I will be economically successful.

For me this is unsettling. It seems that I am condemned to a future of loveless sex, hedonism, depravity, and moral emptiness....wait a minute...now my future is starting to look pretty good.

Seriously though, I have always wanted to be appreciated for being me, but it looks like that has always been a pipe dream.

Sigh...Jack Daniels will save me.

Night everyone.

Future headline: Mutant space vegetables attack Shanghai

The Chinese are sending seeds into space to expose them to cosmic radiation.

Supposedly, past Chinese experiments of this nature have led to higher yields of both rice and wheat. Mark my words, this will go horribly ary. This reminds me of the beginning of a 1950's horror movie. All that is missing is maniacal laughter.

My question: Where are all the environmentalists?

Everytime a biologist at Harvard changes a strand of corn DNA that makes it more likely to survive a drought, all the Pinks, Reds, and Greens go ballistic with hysterical screams and issue dire warnings about "Frankenfood." I always thought that was what a cannibal in the Air America studio could expect.

This is very different from genetically altering crops in a lab. In a lab the work is more controlled and the outcomes can be reasonably anticipated.

The Chinese experiment sounds more like a random roll of the dice to me.

Of course we all know why the libs are not upset over this: The experiment is being conducted by Communists.

The whole reason they oppose ADM altering crops is because they hate business, profit, and anything that is not a collective. The whole environmental movement is just a cover for the neo-Bolsheviks.

Still the sci-fi lover in me hopes this does go badly. I have always wanted to battle mutants in an post-apocalyptic warzone .

Cheney we fear you but are not afraid

It has been three months since my last installment of Cheney lore. During that period I traveled far and wide, interviewed many frightened people, and collected many more facts that confirm my thesis that Dick Cheney is a demi-god walking among man.

Section 1498 of the Federal Civil Procedure Code outlines the process by which courts can be held "in contempt of Cheney."

Cheney named his testicles "shock and awe"

Cheney once marketed his own Dr. Pepper knockoff called "Dictator Cheney."

The most volatile and radioactive element on the periodic table is Cheneyum.

He once beat a man to death at the Icecapades.

Having a man crush on Dick Cheney in no way affects your sexuality.

He proved Chaos theory after one of his hiccups crushed the skull of the last albino roedeer in Scotland. Cheney claimed it was bound to happen eventually

He uses crystal meth instead of salt

He can start a jukebox with a kick...just like the Fonz.

He once spooned with a wolverine

Dick Cheney's tanning bed is filled with depleted uranium

He wears the tanned skin of FDR as a dinner jacket

Update: Law School report

Well as some of you know, your humble WordBearer, started law school this week. First of all, it is not as hard as I anticipated. The homework load is equivalent to what I had as an undergrad, except you actually have to do it.

Many of my classmates seem overwhelmed, but that is because they did not really have to work in their undergrad courses. Thanks to the Dumb Ox, I am used to having to read a couple hundred pages per week and then be interrogated about the material.

I really am enjoying my classes. The professors are teaching us court room strategies in addition to all the technical stuff.

In all I feel good and everything is going well. I went to law school in order to engage in the most vile and wicked form of sophistry available to modern man...besides working for the New York Times.

I'm still wallowing in the abyss of singlehood. Looks like three more years of depressing loneliness and drinking.

Israel lost

The people of Israel are upset over the conduct of the war with the Muslim barbarians on its border.

As much as I hate to admit it, Israel lost the war because they did not win.

To win a war one must: 1. Make sure the enemy is so beaten that they know that further resistance is futile.
2. Destroy the enemies ability to wage conflicts in the near future.

Neither of these have occurred. Hezbollah has not been defeated, and they have come out of this stronger than ever.

The Israeli's need to get serious and attack without mercy. They also need to ban the media from getting anywhere near the region.