Friday, April 28, 2006

Extra Extra Hell freezes over

Well Hell has frozen over. Send the devil some ice-skates and watch out for those flying pigs, the WordBearer has finally agreed with something George Clooney has said.

Clooney has called on the United States and other nations to intervene in Darfur.

I agree that the US should intervene. The only reason we are not is because the U.N. continues to drag its feet on the issue.

The government of Sudan is linked to Islamic extremist and the so called "conflict" (really nothing more than a pogrom against non-Muslims) has claimed as many as 200,000 lives and displaced over 2 million.

The nation of Sudan needs help badly. The average life expectancy is only 59 years and the infant mortality rate is high.

Darfur illustrates the ineptitude and worthlessness of the UN as an institution.

Personally I think we should close down the UN and execute those working for it, but I will accept a middle ground.

Nonetheless, the solution for Darfur can only come from outside the UN.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Infanticide still alive and well

A German women, known as Frau H, appeared in court yesterday to answer for the nine children she killed.

After giving birth she would allow the children to die, then stuffed them in flower pots. That is insane.

What is even more astounding is the fact that no one around her, even her husband, noticed.

The good part is that this has caused people to show up at the courthouse shouting "We mourn nine babies".

Even in these dark times, human life will be mourned.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Just couldn't resist...

(sorry I am weak)

Virginia has just enacted a new set of laws to keep tighter control over sexual predators.

Some of the measures include a mandatory 5 to 25 year sentence for the first offense and a possible life sentence for the second. It also allows the state to place the offender into a mental institution following the completion of their sentence.

I think this is good for the children of the state of Virginia. It is high time we stop being merciful toward those who prey on the weak.

Bush pimpslaps Dims on gas prices

The Prez today suspended gasoline regulations and stopped the filling of the Strategic Oil Reserves during the summer.

I think this was brilliant. The Dims solution is to destroy innovation in the oil industry with worthless "windfall profits" taxes. Who is to define what a windfall profit is anyway? When did profit become evil? We all know that the high oil prices will lead oil companies to drill more, eventually bringing more petroleum onto the market.

The brilliant part is that he is also pimpslapping the Enviro-Commies that force Americans to add lots of useless additives that have little environmental benefit.

Take that you socialist, tree-hugging, Karl-Marx loving, no armpit shaving idiots.

Monday, April 24, 2006

War for oil...I wish

I agree completely with Frank J.

We need to actually take the oil and kill as many people as possible. We need our SUVs in this country to show our triumph over nature.

Lets just face it, hybrid cars make you gay. As does soccer, hockey, aromatherapy, and watching Seinfeld.

Listen people I don't make up the rules I just arbitrarily enforce them as I see fit.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Supermodel slugs on plane cheer

On a flight from Amsterdam to Miami, supermodel May Andersen slugged a stewardess.

What guy wouldn't like to see a stewardess fight a supermodel? It is right up there with watching a cheerleader and nurse wrestle in peanut oil, or seeing a naughty school girl spanked by the firm but still feminine female principal of an all girls Alpine private boarding school.

Wow I really went to a bad place here didn't I.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

And they say house calls are dead

An elderly Florida man has been arrested for giving fake breast exams.

Black bag in hand, Phillip Winikoff went door to door and actually convinced two women that he was a doctor and performed breast exams on them. How stupid are these women?

Police say people grew suspicious when they noticed his bag was full of tissues and that his shirt said F.B.I. (Female Body Inspector).

I deplore his methods, but admire his moxy.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Zimbabwe's economy still in the metaphorical toilet

Oppositions leaders are vowing to die in the effort to bring down the government of Robert Mugabe while the nation crumbles around them.

With run away inflation, school tuition out of control, and the corruption that pervades everything the people of Zimbabwe must have a new government.

Kick Boxing Orangutans...I would watch

The kickboxing orangutan...I want one.

Where do these fascist get off not allowing these animals to assert their right to work and pursue the career they want.

Pass the placenta please

I know everyone will be blogging on this, but I just can't let it go. Tom Cruise has claimed he will eat the placenta from his wife's birth immediately after the child is born.

Ok I will eat some strange things. I have a weakness for chicken gizzards and livers, and I am a big fan of raw fish, but a placenta?

Even Michael Jackson didn't eat the placenta when his crimes against nature were born.

Is Tom lower than Michael?

Dick Cheney: Is he God?

You can beg, you can plead, but eventually Dick Cheney will eat your children.

How can Dick Cheney not be a god when these things are true:

Dick Cheney learned Spanish by sucking Che Gureverra's brain out with a straw

Earth, Wind, and Fire were originally called Earth, Wind, Fire, and Dick Cheney

He pantsed the Lincoln Memorial

William Shatner got his famous stutter after Dick Cheney burned him with a cigarette

Dick Cheney was acquitted of killing Noam Chomsky with a sponge soaked in battery acid

Freemasons don't run the country...Dick Cheney does

He paddled the school canoe...and didn't get a paddling

Dick Cheney's wisdom teeth could talk, but all they did was remind him to live a virtuous life so he had them removed

Tom Clancy's "The Hunt for Red October" was originally titled "Dick Cheney's Hunt for Red October"

Dick Cheney makes an uncredited appeance in the movie American Psycho

He singlehandedly invaded Russia in the Spring of 2004

His time as a rodeo clown was memorialized in the Journey song "Don't Stop Believing"

The only thing more frightening than Dick Cheney is two Dick Cheneys

Dick Cheney was not born...he was grown

His third birthday party devolved into a riot over segregation

In the 60's Cheney drove around in a van solving mysteries with a preppy gay guy, a dumpy lesbian, a hot chick, and a heard of fainting goats

He smokes 8 cartons a day...of hams

He began his career as a moil, but was forced to stop after circumcising a child with a live piranha

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Hey I thought homophobia was an American institution

Jamaica, the island in the sun, is apparently the most homophobic place on earth.

Notice in the article how Time, always the bastion of fairness, seems to place some of the blame on Christianity. Could the problem also be just a simple outgrowth of Third World barbarism?

You would think that Jamaica would be a friendly place. All that weed should make you mellow.

Crimes against homosexuals are not merely limited to local gays and lesbians. Homophobia is rampant throughout the Caribbean. Last week two producers from CBS were attacked by an anti-gay lynch mob in St. Martin and one is still in ICU in Miami.

This, along with the Natale Holloway story, should remind Americans not to travel to countries that are not civilized.

For a full list of these countries email me and it shall be provided.

A great argument for the death penalty

Its name is Kevin Underwood of Purcell Oklahoma.

This animal (he does not deserve the honor of being called or treated as human) raped, murdered, and planned to cannibalize the body of a 10 year old girl.

Police reports note that the injuries on the body betrayed a "serious attempt to cut the head off the body."

Prosecutors are going to seek the death penalty. This savages deserves it.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Movie review from your humble WordBearer

Tonight I went and saw Thank You for Smoking

All I can say is that it was one of the best films I have seen this year. It skewered everyone nice and proper and showed how many in the anti-smoking camp, or Smoke Nazis, are just as willing to profit off the suffering of their fellow humans as the Big Tobacco.

I would recommend it to anyone over 18 with half a brain...which excludes all you liberals.

Patti Davis: Sudan genocide wrong, Saddam's cool

Patti Davis, the woman not good enough to deserve the name of Reagan, potificates over at Newsweek about the world and shows her idiocy.

She worries about the genocide in Darfur, but decries the overthrow of Saddam. I guess the genocide he perpetrated against the Kurds, marsh Arabs, and Shias doesn't count in her book.

Tell me why this woman warrants anyones attention anymore. She was on the side of evil during the Cold War (tried to talk her father into arms controls and a nuclear freeze) and she is on the side of evil today.

This weekend we need to reflect on how the world has changed and how we can make it a better place. Liberating those who are being oppressed by the Third World savages masquerading as leaders that Patti and those on the Left exalt.

Shoot Sheehan update

Cindy Sheehan has been confronted by a war widow for her attacks on our troops.

One day we will get to execute this worthless, ugly, and wrong woman. Treason should be punished.

Neil Young: Impeach the President, save my career

Neil Young has recorded a virulent anti-Bush song entitled "Impeach the President."

Members of my generation were heard to ask: "Who the hell is Neil Young?"

Apparently Mr. Young is so desperate for a comeback that he has taken the easy road. Ever since Bush was elected a gaggle of failed sellouts have cut anti-Bush/Republican/Red State tracks in desperate attempts to revive their careers. Such examples are Burt Backarach and Green Day.

All you need to get air time these days is to write a pro-terrorist song and you will be hailed as the new John Lennon and be awarded more Grammys than you can carry.

The pompous self-importance of those in the entertainment industry still astounds me.

Alec Baldwin, Head of the Film Actors Guild or F.A.G., has hailed the song as a "slap to the face of our imperial president." He went on to predict that more F.A.G.S. will come out with even greater rebukes of American foreign policy.

Update: Neil is cutting an entire anti-Bush album.

What a douche.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Warning Explicit content.

Ok this movie is a little blue, but it is just so funny that I can't let it go unnoticed. Only click the link if you can stomach it. There is no nudity, but it is funny.

An awkward situation caught on tape.

The WordBearer warned you.

You know the cheese, now see the beef

Switzerland is using the allure of its hunks to attract soccer widows to its resorts and spas.

They hope that the World Cup widows and their money will find their way into the local economy.

I think that these women should go after these Swiss hunks because their husbands will be useless after the World Cup because, as we all know, soccer makes you gay.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

...and a pornstar will lead them

Italian porn star Cicciolina has offered herself to Osama Bin Laden in exchange for an end to his terrorist ways. (Is is just me or does she look like a dude?)

The offer is a repeat of one she made in the 90's to Saddam Hussein.

I'm speechless. I guess this is the ultimate "Make Love Not War" statement.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Ben, song, and the tragedy of the aquarium

Ben Affleck has accused President Bush of treason, claims that he leaked Valarie Plame's name, and claims Bush could be 'hung'.

That is awful big talk for the man responsible for Gigli. I think if the American people were polled, at least a plurality would hang Ben over Bush.

Treason...give me a break. I have two words for you Ben: Jersey Girl. Nough said.

To get back to a happy place watch these things and thank the WordBearer for his love:

Mom I broke the aquarium while weightlifting...again.

Hey I'm not the only one to break into song in class It takes huge balls to do something like this.

The water balloon fight turns into a moment of revelation

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Science of Socialism undone by science

It turns out the the "science" of socialism has been countered by actual science.

German scientists conducted a study finding that humans do not like freeloaders.

Groups which could punish those who freeloaded did and the researchers found that " institutions able to police themselves foster cooperation between their members and out-compete institutions that let freeloaders go unpunished, the scientists say."

Quoting the Ox: "Duh"

Saturday, April 08, 2006

The Greatest Video ever

Well not really, but a monkey and dog playing is something that will always get me laughing.

Let me explain a little something about the WordBearer that fits in well with this video. There are four, count them four things that the WordBearer needs in this world and has yet to acquire:

1. A meaningful relationship with a woman. The WordBearer wants to find a woman that he can love for life; someone I would gladly lay down my life for. I want someone who frightens the hell out of me and drives me on to be a better man. I need a woman who can tame my nature and make me feel whole. Lastly, I want a woman who will love me for what I am and who can see past all my glaring flaws and homely visage.

2. A monkey. What guy doesn't want a monkey? They are simply natures little punchline.

3. A midget. Midgets are so cute. Who wouldn't want to have a midget friend. You can tie them up and force them to lead you to their pot of gold. You could dress them in leprechaun outfits and have that perfect accessory for St. Patrick's Day.

I have always wanted to give a midget a piggy back ride. Maybe I could even do the impossible: give a midget a piggy back ride while he gives the monkey a piggy back ride.

4. A gay friend to tell me how to dress. Every straight guy needs a gay friend to tell him how women think, what type of shoes to wear, and why Will and Grace is funny. I was 21 years old before I was told that your shoes and belt were supposed to match. I'm completely unaware of what a pillow sham is used for.

One day Alice.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Tom DeLay: Mere man or a god among us?

As many of you know, your humble WordBearer has an unnatural obsession with Dick Cheney. Yet I have noticed that Tome DeLay, former House Majority Leader and one of my personal hero's, is every bit as spectacular as VP Cheney. Here are some things I know about Tom DeLay.

The Commies surrendered because Tom DeLay told them to

He once gave Harry Reid a wedgie

Tom DeLay once spanked Castro with a riding crop

Tom DeLay originally stared in the movie "Apopcalypse Now". He was edited out after he killed three actors with a nickel

He earned the nickname "The Hammer" after a drinking bout with Ted Kennedy

While in the Texas House he agitated for war with Tonga

The shockwave from his golf swing once decimated an Al Qaida basecamp

He wrote the Johnny Cash song "Cocaine Blues" after a late night meeting with Bill Clinton

Tom DeLay's childhood finger paintings were the basis for the movie "I Know What you Did Last Summer"

He once told Cynthia McKinney to "shave her phroe"

Like a male seahorse he can give birth to live young

Tom DeLay once pulled off Chris Mathew's toupe

Saturday, April 01, 2006

The resurgence of Leftism in Latin America continues

It seems that Peru will be the next nation in Latin America to elect an anti-American Leftist.

Running on the slogan of "Peruvians First," Ollanta Humala promised to crack down on multinational corporations and aline Peru with Hugo Chavez's Venezuela.

There is a block of states to our south that are slowly forming an anti-American bloc that will one be a threat to the interests of the United States. I hope someone in Washington is paying attention, but they are all preoccupied with NSA surveillance and whether or not the military refused a Gitmo detainee's request for a Swedish massage.

Castro, Hugo, Morales, and now Humala. God help the poor people of Latin America. They are about to become poorer.

Saturday Night Fever

I think I need a shot for that.

Well once again the weekend is upon us all. While normal people are out having a good time, your humble WordBearer is writing papers and slaving away for "the man" (also known as the Dumb Ox).

My love life is in the same state it has been in for a year and a half... dead like Osama Bin Laden. (He is dead no matter what Chucky "Cheese" Schumer claims).

Here is an interesting short documentary: Supersize Me...with Whisky

It is an interesting take on the documentary made by that fruity little commie Morgan Spurlock. Perhaps I should undertake the experiment.