Saturday, August 26, 2006

Cheney we fear you but are not afraid

It has been three months since my last installment of Cheney lore. During that period I traveled far and wide, interviewed many frightened people, and collected many more facts that confirm my thesis that Dick Cheney is a demi-god walking among man.

Section 1498 of the Federal Civil Procedure Code outlines the process by which courts can be held "in contempt of Cheney."

Cheney named his testicles "shock and awe"

Cheney once marketed his own Dr. Pepper knockoff called "Dictator Cheney."

The most volatile and radioactive element on the periodic table is Cheneyum.

He once beat a man to death at the Icecapades.

Having a man crush on Dick Cheney in no way affects your sexuality.

He proved Chaos theory after one of his hiccups crushed the skull of the last albino roedeer in Scotland. Cheney claimed it was bound to happen eventually

He uses crystal meth instead of salt

He can start a jukebox with a kick...just like the Fonz.

He once spooned with a wolverine

Dick Cheney's tanning bed is filled with depleted uranium

He wears the tanned skin of FDR as a dinner jacket

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Update: Law School report

Well as some of you know, your humble WordBearer, started law school this week. First of all, it is not as hard as I anticipated. The homework load is equivalent to what I had as an undergrad, except you actually have to do it.

Many of my classmates seem overwhelmed, but that is because they did not really have to work in their undergrad courses. Thanks to the Dumb Ox, I am used to having to read a couple hundred pages per week and then be interrogated about the material.

I really am enjoying my classes. The professors are teaching us court room strategies in addition to all the technical stuff.

In all I feel good and everything is going well. I went to law school in order to engage in the most vile and wicked form of sophistry available to modern man...besides working for the New York Times.

I'm still wallowing in the abyss of singlehood. Looks like three more years of depressing loneliness and drinking.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Israel lost

The people of Israel are upset over the conduct of the war with the Muslim barbarians on its border.

As much as I hate to admit it, Israel lost the war because they did not win.

To win a war one must: 1. Make sure the enemy is so beaten that they know that further resistance is futile.
2. Destroy the enemies ability to wage conflicts in the near future.

Neither of these have occurred. Hezbollah has not been defeated, and they have come out of this stronger than ever.

The Israeli's need to get serious and attack without mercy. They also need to ban the media from getting anywhere near the region.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Wow Republicans are jazzed too

It turns out that the Republican base is motivated.

This is what I have been saying for months. Did the Dims really think that they were going to waltz into power?

Republicans have been beaten for the last year with poll after poll supposedly showing that they are doomed.

Let me explain why the Republicans are going to win in November:

1. The election of 2004 has yet to be appreciated by the MSM and the Dims.
Remember Kerry received more votes in 2004 than Gore got in 2000. This means that the Dims got out as many voters as they could. Bush got many more votes than Kerry did and surpassed Gore's 2000 total.

The reason for this is clear. In 2004 the Republicans mounted a great ground game. They got out there and brought in people who were not regular voters, but nevertheless conservative, and got them to the polls for the first time. Republican strategists targeted churches and social groups to tap pools of voters. Additionally, this ground game was predicated on the labor of millions of unpaid volunteers. A higher portion of Dim block walkers and polls workers were paid lackeys.

These previously non-voting conservatives have no reason to revert to their old ways. Bush has come through in a big way for social conservatives. Additionally, the Republican party will aggressively pursue their votes.

2. The Dims still do not hold beliefs they can be honest about.

The Dimocratic party has been adrift since the 70s. It has to accommodate the old Vietnam era hippie wing of the party that most of America opposes. Its future is not to bright either. Till it can find a way to rebrand class warfare and surrender to totalitarian animals, they will lose a lot of elections.

This year I think the Republicans will gain seats or at least not lose Congress. I also predict that after the Dims fail to take Congress we will see Left wing bloggers spouting conspiracy theories about Republicans manipulating the polls to make Dim voters overconfident.

I also bet that after they fail yet again they will blame voter fraud, machine tampering, and Republican conspiracy.

Monday, August 07, 2006

I don't really care

Joe Lieberman faces off in his primary tomorrow with anti-war loony Ned Lamont.

The polls show that Lieberman will probably lose, but polls can be wrong.

The reason I even bother to talk about this is because conservatives are still trying to figure out who they should root for. Many see a Lieberman's defeat as catastrophic. They see a relatively pro-war and pro-GWOT Dim going down to defeat in his primary as a sign that the public is starting to sour on the whole defeat Islamic terror thing.

I tend to see it as a good thing. By all accounts this Lamont fellow is an empty suit for the kook fringe Left. I want the Dims to elect the most loony people they can. Plus I think many people are forgetting the Joe Lieberman of 2000. who jettisoned all his beliefs to play handmaiden to Al Gore.

The radicalization of the American Left will spell doom for the Dims this November. The American people are not in love with the Republican party, but they see it as the benign alternative to the crazy Left.

Lets face it, the Dimocratic party is falling apart. It has been forced to abandon the heartland of America because it can not connect with religious people. It has to cover its real goals of class warfare and socialism in the rhetoric of "social justice," and it has failed to offer a plausible counter-strategy in the GWOT.

Still the idiocy of the people knows no bounds. Americans have been raised on the feel good, peacenick, Care Bear culture of modernity that holds no Truths to be self-evident if they interfere with the get-rich, get-high, get-off ethos of contemporary pop culture.

Update: Lieberman is within six points of Lamont as the people head to the polls.

This article further proves my point about Lieberman. He is just your typical tax and spend
liberal with a good record on the GWOT.

Friday, August 04, 2006

To Hell with Fidel

Rich Lowry, one of the most underappreciated writers in the nation, explores why the Left, supposedly the keepers of human rights, are so enamored with Fidel.

When the people of Cuba are finally free, and that day will come, we will finally get to see the true horror of Castro. When the dissidents see the light of day, the jail cells pop open, and the people can talk to reporters without a government censor standing next to them then all of the Leftists will have to admit that their hero was nothing more than a genocidal madman.

Long live a free Cuban people.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Angry rant #132

Mel apologizes

Ok the topic is Mel Gibson. His little anti-Semitic rant was the stupidest thing I have ever heard. He made a bonehead move and now he is paying for it, as he should. Still we all have said stupid things or made regrettable phone calls under the influence of alcohol. Terrible terrible phone calls...full of shame.

Still the biggest crime Mel committed was not being the leader of a Muslim nation or a college professor. Just think about it. The stuff Mel screamed under the influence of the vine is tame compared to the stuff that rolls off the tongue of the most obscure Islamic despot.

If a college professor had uttered these words he would be hailed as a paragon of free speech. Every editorial page in the country would be buzzing in his defense.

There is a speech code in America, and some are exempt from it. Apparently Mel is not in that category.