Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Paddle the French Fanny

That is the suggestion of Larry Kudlow over at the National Review.

I think he is wrong...they would probably enjoy a good spanking.

Reminds me of a joke: Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A. The Army.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Mugabe's reign of terror continues

Robert Mugabe's seniors are starving and the world takes little notice.

In Mugabe's Zimbabwe the inflation rate is 1,000%. Ole Robert thinks that the solution is to print more money. Even a cursory knowledge of economics will tell you that this will only exacerbate the situation.

I just can't wait until the CIA kills this guy. I call dibs on his head.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Some fun videos...for your viewing pleasure.

Might be a little offensive, but hey there is no nudity so what more do you want from me?

H-I-T-L-E-R the Video

When Pregnancy Tests go Wrong

Enjoy you sick freaks.

South Park of the Border

I have so far stayed out of the Isaac Hayes South Park affair, but being a serious fan of the show I can't let this pass.

Bridget Johnson over at GOP Vixen has a great column on the matter.

I especially like the fact that they are taking on Scientology. L. Ron Hubbard wrote bad science fiction, yet I am suppossed to believe that he found the way to enlightenment? It is just another way for bored celebs to throw away the money they did not earn and feel superior to those of us in the interior.

I hope Parker and Stone will stay around to slay the multifaceted Hydra that is Hollywood hypocrisy.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Feel the power of Dick Cheney

In my ongoing quest to enlighten all of you in regards to the greatness of the demigod Dick Cheney, I realized that I have left out some pivotal facts about the old Dick.

He can walk on water...because his gaze frightens it solid.

He fathered an illegitimate child with a great white shark

He once took a hand grenade to the face...then walked it off

He hunted down and killed an entire Elk's Lodge without the proper permits.

His idea of foreplay is allowing the Democrats to try to run away before he decapitates them

He uses a pack of wolves for toilet paper

He once ate an entire panda for dinner then had a sperm whale for dessert

His projected childhood fantasies drove Judy Garland to pills and booze.

His middle name is Caspian, they named a sea after him, maybe you heard of it.

He sweats pure gold

He takes the phrase "between a rock and a hard place" literally

His drunken shouts of rage were nominated for a Grammy

Dick Cheney won an Oscar for his portrayal of MechaGodzilla in the all monster production of "Howard's End"

He is regularly depicted in Cro-Magnon cave art as a bringer of rain and sorrow

Dick Cheney made the Depression depressing

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Here we are again

Since people seem to respond to my whining more than my humor, I feel it is time for a little more of the former.

Well I am on Spring Break. Guess what I am doing.

Yes you in the back... nope I am not going to the beach.

You in the funny I am not going to the mountains.

Last attempt, you with the scar that looks like Angela Lansbury in a bikini...nope I am not attempting to build the robot I so dearly want.

The answer kiddies is that I am doing homework. Yes that is right, homework. Got a few big papers due soon. At least I am not sobbing into a bag of kettle chips.

I'm still a big coward with the ladies. So, much like the Western Front, all is quiet. Who is the biggest loser in the room. The spotlight is on yours truly.

I have never liked spotlights. The times I have had access to them I have been totally unsuccessful in summoning Batman. Plus the Budweiser Frogs still won't return my phone calls.

I need a girlfriend...or a really accommodating hooker.

Scientist discover living "Rat-squirrel"

No it is not Schumer, but the resemblance is striking.

Scientist have discovered living examples of a species believed to be extinct. The small rodent resembles a combination between a rat and a squirrel though it is closer related to the squirrel family.

In a related story, the US has its own "rat-squirrel" infestation.

Ah the Dims, a perfect combination of underhanded rats and spineless squirrel.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

It's raining men...I mean aliens

British scientists believe that the "red rain" which fell on Western India in 2001 contains the remnants of alien life.

Apparently the particles from a passing comet entered the atmosphere, mixed with moisture, and rained down on the hapless inhabitants of the subcontinent.

No word yet if they repelled the aliens with tin hats.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Doctors: Force feeding barbaric...abortion is still cool though

A panel of doctors from around the world is demanding that the US end the force feeding of Gitmo detainees who are on a hunger strike.

They are perfectly fine with the idea that the prisoners would starve to death. Of course we all know that if any of these men did starve to death America would immediately be attacked by these same people for our cruelty.

What this really is about is the desire to shut down Gitmo. The West is so absolutist in ist respect for human rights that we are going to allow the Islamic animals that threaten us to destroy them completely.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

DeLay won...nah, nah, nah

The NY Times admitted that DeLay won, and from their tone they are not happy.

Notice that they put the word "rigging" in quotation marks.I hate when people put words in quotes.

I believe Leo Strauss described this whole situation quite aptly.

"To put the terms designating such things in quotation marks is a childish trick which enables one to talk of important subjects while denying the principles without which there cannot be important subjects-a trick which is meant to allow one to combine the advantage of common sense with the denial of common sense. Or can one say anything relevant on public opinion polls, for example, without realizing the fact that many answers to the questionnaires are given by unintelligent, uninformed, deceitful, and irrational people, and that not a few questions are formulated by people of the same caliber."

Leo Strauss, Natural Right and History

Chinese Menu

Hat tip to the National Review on this one

Read this and tell me what you would like to order.

Liar Liar pants on fire

Moazzam Begg (no that is not the name of a dish at The Bombay Palace) British citizen, Muslim, and Al Qaeda terrorist has been outed as the lying sack of human waste that he is.

Begg has been on a whirlwind tour of the British media claiming he was an innocent victim of the US war on terror. While pimping his tell-all book about his time in Gitmo and his illicit relations with sheep in the Peshwar, he forgot to mention that the statements he gave the FBI after his capture are starkly contrasted with the claims he makes in the book.

When asked why he was in Afghanistan, Mr. Begg told the FBI that he was there to "fight alongside the Taliban and al-Qa'eda against the US and others".

In his book he claims he was simply their to teach Afghan children. Yeah that makes sense cause we all know how into education the Taliban was.

Al Qaeda operatives are taught to make claims of torture because they know that the Western media is sensitive to such topics.

Once again the barbarians are at the gates and we are arguing over the drapes.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Kirby Puckett RIP

Kirby Puckett, the venerable center for the Minnesota Twins, has gone to that big ballfield in the sky.

As a young man I idolized Puckett. Baseball has always been an important part of my life. The greatest lessons I learned were on the diamond with my friends around me and the smell of freshly mowed grass and red dirt.

It is a truly sad day for all us little boys at heart.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

'Hippie' chimp to become extinct

The so called 'hippie' chimp is hurtling toward extinction.

The species derived its nickname by from its propensity to solve problems with sex, smoke alot of weed, flee to Canada at the first sign of danger, and devour its own dung.

I, for one, applaud this turn of events. Now that hippies are all but extinct on Earth, I feel that it is time we get rid of the animals that followed them down the road to perdition.

I call for the eradication of the Hippie snaildarter, Crunchy Brazilian crab, Che-tshirt wearing impala, and all the seagulls who circle the Grateful Dead concerts.

The possibility for a hippie free world is upon us. We must be able to take that extra step.

Weightloss the Greek way

Ever wonder how Plato kept so fit and trim? Ever wish you could have Michael Jackson's slim and taunt torso.

Well this is the diet plan for you.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

And here we are again

Once again another weekend is about to dawn on a lonely WordBearer. I am still too much of a chicken to ask out a woman. There are several that I find interesting but my severe fear of them hampers any effort. This is one of the flaws in my nature: I can not talk to women.

My friends find it inexplicable. I will do just about anything. I am braver than most, but when it comes to women I become a little wuss. Ah my ego is so fragile. Low self-esteem doesn't help either.

I need to get on one of those shows where gay guys show up at your house and make you over.

Failure thy stench clings to me.

Oh yeah read Ann Coulter's Oscar Picks.

I will get mine up in the next couple of days.

To everyone who visits me on a day to day basis I want to say thank you. I am humbled that you find my little corner of the Web worth your time. I love all of you...I wish I could quit you (tear).

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Books that have changed my life

I thought I would enlighten all of you by enumerating the books that have changed my life. This is not a compressive list, but I think it is a nice peak into the psyche of the WordBearer.

1. The Republic - Plato's most famous work has led to many sleepless nights for me. It is full of so many mysteries and questions that it still puzzles me to this day.

2. Dune- Frank Herbert's greatest work tackles questions of politics, ecology, and religion with such a deft and entertaining hand that one can not help but be sucked in. The entire series is solid. Perhaps the best science fiction series ever written. Beware of the spice.

3. The Lord of the Rings - J.R.R. Tolkien's adventure is a pure masterpiece. Need I say more.

4. Death in the Long Grass - Peter Capstick paints a vivid portrait of big game hunting in Africa. This book created a longing to strap on a rifle and pursue the Cape Buffalo, Hippo, and lion through the primordial wilds of the dark contient. Africa calls me in a manner that no other place could.

5. Ronald Reagan and the Politics of Freedom - This is a must have for any lover of Reagan. In this little tome (only 246 pages) is filled with every thing you need to defend the Reagan record from the howling animals on the Left.

6. Reagan's War - This book chronicles Reagan's forty year struggle, and eventual victory, over Communism. Peter Schweizer illustrates the phenomenal spirit that Reagan possessed, and his utter conviction that America would win the Cold War. Additionally, the documentary based on the book, In the Face of Evil, is mandatory viewing for any Reagan lover.

7. The Illiad and Odyssey - The foundations of Western literature. Must read for anyone put there.

8. The Aeneid - Virgil's propaganda poem about the wanderings of the Trojan warrior Aeneas taught me a lot. It gave me a new respect for Roman literature.

9. The Complete Works of Aristophanes - The Greek comic playwright who is a must read for anyone interested in classical theater or political thought. You can not understand Plato till you understand Aristophanes.

There are many more, but these will do for now. I will add some more later perhaps.

Brits love blow...

...just as much as we do.

Sky News is reporting that the use of cocaine among Britians is reaching the same level as the United States.

Cocaine, also known as blow, nose candy, Bolivian Marching Powder, California cornflakes, booger sugar, Lucifer's Left Nostril, Guatemalan gunpowder, Peruvian salt, Showbiz Sherbert, Kennedy Coffee, Shnazzle, Columbian Dancing Dust, Toot, Lady C, or Chinese Sky Candy, is becoming as popular as cannabis among the British.