Saturday, August 26, 2006

Cheney we fear you but are not afraid

It has been three months since my last installment of Cheney lore. During that period I traveled far and wide, interviewed many frightened people, and collected many more facts that confirm my thesis that Dick Cheney is a demi-god walking among man.

Section 1498 of the Federal Civil Procedure Code outlines the process by which courts can be held "in contempt of Cheney."

Cheney named his testicles "shock and awe"

Cheney once marketed his own Dr. Pepper knockoff called "Dictator Cheney."

The most volatile and radioactive element on the periodic table is Cheneyum.

He once beat a man to death at the Icecapades.

Having a man crush on Dick Cheney in no way affects your sexuality.

He proved Chaos theory after one of his hiccups crushed the skull of the last albino roedeer in Scotland. Cheney claimed it was bound to happen eventually

He uses crystal meth instead of salt

He can start a jukebox with a kick...just like the Fonz.

He once spooned with a wolverine

Dick Cheney's tanning bed is filled with depleted uranium

He wears the tanned skin of FDR as a dinner jacket