Tom DeLay: Mere man or a god among us?

As many of you know, your humble WordBearer has an unnatural obsession with Dick Cheney. Yet I have noticed that Tome DeLay, former House Majority Leader and one of my personal hero's, is every bit as spectacular as VP Cheney. Here are some things I know about Tom DeLay.

The Commies surrendered because Tom DeLay told them to

He once gave Harry Reid a wedgie

Tom DeLay once spanked Castro with a riding crop

Tom DeLay originally stared in the movie "Apopcalypse Now". He was edited out after he killed three actors with a nickel

He earned the nickname "The Hammer" after a drinking bout with Ted Kennedy

While in the Texas House he agitated for war with Tonga

The shockwave from his golf swing once decimated an Al Qaida basecamp

He wrote the Johnny Cash song "Cocaine Blues" after a late night meeting with Bill Clinton

Tom DeLay's childhood finger paintings were the basis for the movie "I Know What you Did Last Summer"

He once told Cynthia McKinney to "shave her phroe"

Like a male seahorse he can give birth to live young

Tom DeLay once pulled off Chris Mathew's toupe