Friday, December 29, 2006

2007, the year that will be

It is that time of year again folks. It is time for your humble Wordbearer to make his predictions for the new year. Since, with skills rivaling that of Miss Cleo, I was 100% accurate on my predictions for 2006, I will prognosticate for 2007.

In the year 2007...

Dimocrats will reach out to the Muslim world by declaring Idaho a caliphate and beheading Barney Frank on CNN. The production will earn an Emmy.

A massive gay underground will be exposed in the NFL. This will forever make the term "running the option" an occasion for ribald laughter.

Martians will continue their domiance of Mars unchallenged.

Al Gore will fall into a coma after a joke at the dentist involving an "inconvenient tooth."

In order to bring the point home to the American public, global warming will be rechristened "Sweaty Maker."

China will bow to international pressure and finally admit that Duck Sauce really is mostly turtle.

The tears of Gypsies will be found to be a powerful aphrodisiac. Consequently, Cher will be beaten to death.

Heterosexual pride will be on display that the 145th annual "Homo Beating Parade" in Atlanta Georgia.

Saying the word "Jumanji" will not only be a way to reference a delightful children's movie, but also a convenient way of expressing your hatred of the Jews.