Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Dick Cheney Redux

As many of you know I am enamored with the colossal man who stands athwart history: Dick Cheney. Here is a collection of some more things I have learned about Dick Cheney.

His grip can recharge a car battery.

Dick Cheney is the illegitimate son of John Wayne and a circus elephant.

His nose hairs are used to fix suspension bridges.

Once Dick Cheney drew on an Etch-A-Sketch in a doctor's office. The next day the drawing was found by a scriptwriter and turned into the movie "Porky's"

He channels the spirit of Joseph Stalin... and then kills it over and over and over again.

Once, while in the Middle East, a Muslim radical threw a Molotov Cocktail at him. He caught it, drank the contents then ate the bottle. The next day he had horrible indigestion. It wasn't from the Molotov cocktail, it was because he ate the radical as well.

Instead of chicken wings he eats the wings of DC-10s. His dipping sauce is made of honey and the tears of the proletariat.

His first grade book report on "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish" won a Pulitzer Prize.

Dick Cheney is mentioned in the Book of Leviticus

He fathered Angelina Jolie's child

Dick Cheney is down with the sickness

They were going to name the Pershing Missile after Dick Cheney but thought it might frighten the Soviets into a nuclear exchange.

He can fry bacon on his inner thigh