By request...

...I shall continue elaborating on the exploits of the man, the myth, the man every woman (and man) wants to be with: Dick Cheney

Dick Cheney uses Icy Hott as a personal lubricant

When Dick Cheney is around Cheerios are a lot less cheery

All Toughman Contests were cancelled after Cheney stopped the eruption of a volcano with his tongue

Dick Cheney was banned from the Big Brothers program for hazing

Dick Cheney invented the technique of water boarding while studying for the seminary

He once pimpslapped the Aurora Borealis

He once found six missing Argentinean soccer players in his navel

The entire script for Cats was inspired by Cheney's suggestions in a Suggestion Box at an Arby's in Tucson

He played two seasons in the NFL will setting scoring records in the WNBA

Dick Cheney's dandruff can be used to insulate spacecraft

The last thing J. R.R. Tolkien ever wrote was "Dick Cheney is the Lord of the Rings"

He pays his hospital bills with the pelts of rabbits he kills with a toothpick

Dick Cheney drinks his coffee from the gilded skull of Walt Disney

Robert Downey Jr turned to heroin after Dick Cheney refused to molest him

His ruminations about the nature of the Universe were converted into the television show Xena: Warrior Princess

Dick Cheney's stress tests involve a treadmill, eighty pounds of raw human flesh, and four stout men