Sunday, February 04, 2007

Worst Half-Time Show ever

I really get up for the Super Bowl folks. I love football even though my team, the Houston Texans, sucks so so bad.

It seems that every year the halftime show gets worse and worse. This year we have Prince on stage looking like a meth addicted Aunt Jemima singing songs I have never heard.

Who the hell plans these things? Do they not understand their demographic? Ok, most of the people watching the NFL are guys like me. We do not want to see Prince, Jessica Simpson (unless she is wearing a swimsuit and has here mouth duct taped shut), or any other female oriented singer on stage.

Here is the perfect Half-Time show for the demographic:

Act I: The Parade of Machine Guns - Here a bunch of women dressed in camo bikinis walk through the stadium carrying machine guns loaded with blanks. They fire them off while the PA system plays "Rock You Like a Hurricane." (Substitute in another song if the game is being played in New Orleans)

Act II: Showcase of Strippers - In the second act a giant stage full of polls will be wheeled out with 100 polls. Then 100 of America's best strippers will hit the stage and dance a set to "I love Rock and Roll."

Act III (The Final Act) American Idol Loser Hunting - After the strippers are taken off the field and all the dollar bills are picked up, a giant maze will be place on the field. At one end is a recording contract; on the other the losers 3-5 on the latest American Idol. They are then set loose into the maze which contains 12 of Africa's best big game hunters and Dick Cheney. If they can get through without being killed, they get the contract.

I would watch ever minute of that.