Dick Cheney: The Legend continues

As all of you know, Dick Cheney both fascinates and frightens me. From my Leftist friends I learned that he controls the weather and kills black people for fun. But they do not even know that half of it. If they only knew:

1. All the "Die Hard" movies are based off of comments written in Dick Cheney's yearbook.

2. His crotch is a Superfund site.

3. Direct eye contact with Dick Cheney = loss of soul

4. He uses his Weather Machine to ruin John Edwards $500 haircuts.

5. He has never laughed in the face of death because you can not laugh in your own face.

6. Einstein came up with the theory of relativity after watching Cheney strangle a caribou to death.

7. The Clapper was based on a Cheney invention called the Decapitator.

8. You can lead, follow, or get out of the way, but it does not matter because Dick will flay your skin off and wear it to the daytime Emmys.

9. The ancients believed that eclipses were Cheney swallowing the moon. This is silly of course. If Cheney had swallowed the moon, he would have full digested it.

10. Dick Cheney can see at night, under water, and right into your worst fears.

11. The Flock of Seagulls wrote "And I ran" after watching Cheney beat a labor union boss to death with his own spinal cord.