Saturday, December 31, 2005

2006 predictions

Well in a hat tip to our personal favorite, The National Review, we decided to make a few predictions about what will occur in America and the world in the new year. I personally guarantee that all the predictions I make will come true. If they don't feel free to call me on it...and then I will have you destroyed.

In 2006...

Nancy Pelosi will finally be outed as a robot.

OBL will continue his four year streak of being dead.

A cash strapped Al Jazzerra will hire a Jewish accountant to be its CEO. He will be beheaded the next day in a prime time special. The show will win an Emmy.

The term "scapegoat" will be banned as offensive to animals after a massive global campaign mounted by PETA, the ASPCA, and Greenpeace. It will be replaced by the new politically correct term "scape conservative".

Adult entertainment will once again include such activities as discussing the great books, debating issues of public merit, and smoking fine cigars.

Republicans will enlarge their majority in the House by five seats. The NY Times will declare it a "disappointing performance for the GOP".

The newly married Elton John will be declared the UN's ambassador for Gay Rights. He immediately jets off to Saudi Arabia to promote the homosexual agenda in the Middle East. He will be publicly executed on Al Jazzerra. His final screams of agony will win a Grammy.

Britney Spears will get a divorce. Three weeks later she will remarry and become Mrs. Vanilla Ice.

Representative Barney Frank announces that the whole gay thing was just a way for him to "pick up chicks."

John Wayne will rise from the grave. He will not be happy.

In an effort to curb skyrocketing rates of sexually transmitted disease, VH1 changes its name to VDH1

Torn between a life of hedonistic self-indulgence or self-sacrifice and virtue, a young man will choose the latter.

In an effort to reach out to conservatives the Washington Post will stop suggesting that they are all inbred.

Pigs will continue their plans for eventual global domination.

Senator Robert Byrd will submit a bill to have the state of West Virginia renamed "Robert Byrd's Personal Billboard." He will then open his own themepark called "Klandemonium."

Harvard University professors will embark on a crusade to update the Scriptures. The cities of Sodom and Gamorrah will be renamed "San Sodomsico" and Gamovegas". The book of Genesis will be rewritten on the model of an old episode of Friends that was slightly funny. The Book of Job will be omitted because "it is such a bummer." A new verse will be added to the Sermon on the Mount: Blessed are the Democrats for they bring Peace.

Well lets hear some of your predictions!