Monday, January 16, 2006

Dick Cheney = Bill Brasky

Perhaps. Considering all the outlandish claims the Left makes about Cheney on a daily basis, I think that perhaps he is superhuman. Then I realized that he was. Here are some of the things I know about Cheney:

He eats kittens during Passover

I once saw him suckerpunch Ryan Seacrest

He urinates Fresca

Cheney was the original frontman for "Flock of Seagulls"

Dick Cheney was baptized by a one-eyed mule

The sight of Cheney's naked torso inspired the movie "Jurrassic Park"

His leg hairs are used to construct the International Space Station

They say the video game Mortal Kombat was based on Cheney singing in the shower

Dick Cheney broke Brokeback Mountain

His cigarettes are rolled from a combination of human skin and seaweed

Cheney invented the term "bull market" while on vacation in Tijuana

He ate Gilbert Grape

Once Cheney got drunk and while wandering down the street was hit by a bus. Everyone on the bus died. Cheney did not even have a hangover the next day.

Pakistan named a tank after him.

He sank the Love Boat

I hear they based the plot of Pulp Fiction on Cheney's answers to a Rorshack Test

He rides to work in a carriage pulled by zebras

Cheney shot the sherriff...and the deputy

He wrote a response to Jimmy Hendrix called "Excuse me while I punch the Sky"

His nipples are worshipped in Togo